Recently I had a conversation with a wonderful human, we came onto the topic of neurodiversity. As part of this conversation they told me that they didn’t understand the apparent aversion that some people have to dating somebody who is neurodivergent.
differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal (frequently used with reference to autistic spectrum disorders); not neurotypical.
Definition of Neurodivergent according to Oxford Languages
Dating with Neurodiversity is no different.
Every relationship takes work. Being in a neurodiverse relationship just takes a different type of work.
The Man is currently on a waiting list for an Autism and ADHD assessment. It makes sense.
Our brains just function differently, and that’s okay. We’ve adapted our way of life to make sure that our differences don’t tear us apart. Now we’re better than ever.
When I was pregnant, I was awful to him. Why does he never finish a task? Why is he so messy? I was so frustrated. I just couldn’t understand him.
Then one day we were chatting, he looked at me and said “do you think I’m autistic?”… when I tell you that I didn’t even hesitate before I just went “oh yea, definitely”. He looked shocked, and kind of hurt. I felt bad. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I was just answering his question.
Why did that hurt him? It was just a fact. If I’d asked him if my hair was brown then he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell me it was. So why did he panic? Why did the man that I love instantly worry that I might think less of him?
Neurodiversity isn’t a negative thing!
The Man being neurodivergent doesn’t matter to me. We’ve adjusted. Our house is covered in labels and lists, reminders and how tos. They’re the things in our house that just make sense.
I love who he is, that beautiful brain that works so differently to mine. That sees things so differently to the way I do. He sees solutions that I never would have thought of, and therefore I can forgive all of the kitchen cabinets being left wide open.
No one suffers from being neurodivergent, they only suffer from how others treat them.
Nearly 1 in 7 individuals in the UK are living with neurodiversity… that is a lot of people, so why is there such a stigma? I don’t know. But what I do know, is that it’s bullsh*t. It’s time to kick those stigmas to the curb.
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