The love between a Mother and her baby is one like no other.
I’ve always been an “I’ll try anything once” kind of person, with very few exceptions. As a grumpy teen in a hideous emo phase, the exception would have been wearing something pink or not some kind of over-the-top animal print. As an adult it’s watching Love Island (or literally any other reality TV show).
Over the years my exceptions have changed, for instance I might now consider something in a pretty pink… but those disgusting leopard print jeans in photos that I wish didn’t exist- I ain’t ever committing that crime against fashion again. But there were one or two that stuck, my entire life there was one thing that I was categorically not ever going to do.
I was never going to have children.
Not ever. I didn’t want to have a baby. I didn’t know how to love a baby. I didn’t want to be a mother. None of it. Nope. Not for me.
I’ve always struggled to work out who I was. I flitted from gothic to hippy and back again, I was polite and professional by day then I was fiery and wild by night. And all of those things felt right. I played each part, and I enjoyed it, I felt comfortable in it. But, there was always something missing and I never could work it out.
I loved and I loved fiercely. My family. My friends. The wrong boy. My dogs. My job. Another boy that was not the right boy. The list goes on.
But it wasn’t the right kind of love.
There was a whole in my heart that I didn’t know was there. There was a special kind of love that was missing. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was.
But then I found the right boy.
The Man that changed my life. We were young, dumb and in love. Then we did something that I said I would never do.
We made a damn baby and it was terrifying.
I loved my TinyHuman while I carried him, but I hated pregnancy so much that he just didn’t feel real. I didn’t feel like I was actually having a baby.
But as soon as he was born, I felt it. It hit me like a train. I’d found what I was missing.
I’d found the love I was lacking.
The love that I was missing, was a Mother’s love for her child. The love that feels like no other. The love that makes you do things that you never would have done before.
The love that makes you go to festivals aimed at toddlers and listen to women who have definitely had too much caffeine jumping up and down on stage while singing baby shark. The love that finds your nice relaxing bath being invaded by a tiny person that is definitely going to pee in it.
This love, I’ve never felt a thing like it. There is nothing as powerful as it, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for it.
It’s like a drug. Now that I’ve felt this love, I can never be without it. When I’m feeling low, I look at the TinyHuman I created, he smiles up at me and there it is. My fix.
This kind of love, it’s unimaginable. It’s indescribable. It feels impossible. But it’s true what they say.
