Sometimes life is a beautiful thing, it’s wonderful and incredible… but other times, it can be kind of scary.
This blog post comes with a big trigger warning, shit is about to get deep. I got feelings and I got shit to say. We’re talking potentially scary, medical things.
So, here it goes I guess.
Last week I woke up and discovered that one of my breasts was the size of a balloon, it’d suddenly gotten so much bigger- and it hurt. The pain comes and goes, it’s not debilitating but it’s most definitely there. I panicked and checked all over both breasts, armpits, literally everywhere for a lump or anything. There was nothing.
So, am I losing it? Is it really bigger or am I just going crazy? Maybe they’ve always been that wonky- I mean it’s normal to have one slightly bigger than the other so maybe I’m over thinking it? So.. is the pain even real or am I overreacting? Am I dying or just a hypochondriac? What am I going to do?
Ignore it.
If I just ignore it then it’ll go away right? Maybe? Probably not.
So I went to the doctors.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a breast examination in a doctors office before but it’s a strange experience.
So, I went in and my usually wonderful doctor was clearly feeling my awkwardness and matching my vibe- so he introduced himself despite the fact that we’ve met on numerous occasions now.
We went through the motions and got to the part where I have to take off my top. It’s policy that this part of the appointment is chaperoned- cool, more people to flash my boobs too.
Off comes my top and the 50 something year old chaperone nurse audibly gasps, I look up and she’s got her eyes locked on my nipple piercings… great.
So we go on with the examination. I’m sat there, extremely exposed. My lopsided boobs are just out, hanging low (one more so than the other), they’re being stared at, prodded and poked. I’m uncomfortable.
Finally, after what is actually only a couple of minutes but feels like forever, I can put my top back on. As I’m doing so the chaperone is still watching me, she’s blushing. Eventually she asks “when did you get those done?”… really? Do we really need to be having this conversation right now?
So Doc, is it scary?
I’ve got a bug bite on my chest from one of our walks, he thinks maybe it’s caused mastitis. I don’t really know what that is, but apparently a dose of antibiotics should fix it right up. Ideal, I don’t care what it is if it’s an easy fix, anything that a quick dose of antibiotics can fix really isn’t that scary!
Take the antibiotics, make sure you finish the course. I’ll see you again on Wednesday to see if the antibiotics have helped.
It’s Wednesday my dude.
Well, Wednesday came… I still have a very large and painful breast. It’s no better, so I attended my appointment as agreed. Except this time he said “I’m going to write a referral for the breast clinic for you”.
Wow. That does sounds scary.
Now, I know that the threshold for whether or not to send someone to the breast clinic is low. They’d rather be safe than sorry. I get that. I appreciate that.
But fuck me, it feels scary.
Now I wait, my referral should take around 2 weeks to come through. Then I’m hoping I’ll go in, and it’ll be another weird and uncomfortable experience but they’ll send me home and tell me that everything is okay.
Until then, I will wait. I will try not to get too much into my own head about it and I’ll try not to stress. It’s scary but it will be what it will be, I guess.
