It really is. Life is so f*cking hard. Will it ever get easier?
I don’t know. But it doesn’t feel like it.
Being on maternity leave is killing me. I love TinyHuman more than life itself, but being home with him all day everyday is so hard. Everyday we do the same thing. We get up, I feed him, I change him, I do his laundry, I clean his room. We play with the toys on his playmat, we listen to songs, we play games. Then it’s bath time, cuddles, stories and bed. Day in and day out.
I hate it. I hate that I struggle so much. He’s my baby, why am I struggling with being home with him all the time? What kind of terrible mother am I? I know that I’m not being fair on myself. I know that needing to be my own person and struggling doesn’t make me a bad parent. My child is loved and cared for. He has everything that he needs. I am a good parent.
Why is it so hard?
It’s been a year now since we found out that I was pregnant. From the day we found out, we’ve been looking for a new place to live. We want a good life for TinyHuman.
The neighborhood that we’re living in, it’s not appropriate long term. In the last year we’ve emailed about hundreds of properties, we’ve viewed a handful, and we’ve been accepted for one.
After finally being accepted for one, it fell through. So here we are, still in our original house.
And it’s sh*t.
The rental market is an absolute minefield right now. For a family of three with two dogs, unless we can afford a grand a month, we’re screwed. Should it be this hard to find a good home to raise a family?
It’s hard… but it’s fine.
Unfortunately, it is what it is. We do what we have to do to ensure there is a roof over our heads and food on our table.
I cry a lot and we don’t live in the area we want to raise our son in, but… nevertheless I persist.
It’s hard.
It’s really hard to put my mental health aside and push through every day to get stuff done. To raise my son. To be a good fiancé. But I’ll keep trying. Everyday I will try harder and do better. I’ll go to work. I’ll do my best for myself and my family.
