Hi! My name is Millie, and I am not okay! Some days I wake up and I just feel numb.
Often the only thing that gets me out of bed is the TinyHuman and my duty to him. Every day I get up, I feed him, I change him, I do his laundry, I clean his room. We play with the toys on his playmat, we listen to songs, we play games (mostly we just stick our tongues out at eachother). Then it’s bath time, cuddles, stories and bed.
The same thing, everyday.
It’s okay.
It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.
But it’s important to be kind to ourselves. I’ll be honest, I’m still working on this one and I’m not very good at it.
I try to remind myself that I am a good Mum, and I’m doing a good job. However, there’s always that voice in the back of my head that tells me the TinyHuman deserves better.
Every day I look at the tiny bundle of perfection I created and wonder how I managed to make something so wonderful. Being his Mum is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do, but I would go to the ends of the earth for him. Every day I get up and I continue to try and fight through my emotions, because that’s what he needs and I’d give him anything that he needs.
It’s not enough…
It’s not enough to merely survive, for his sake I have to want more. I cannot just pretend that everything is fine. For the sake of my TinyHuman I seek the support that I need, I take the medication that they prescribe me, I accept help when it’s offered (asking for it is still a work in progress), and each day I try to do better than the day before.
It’s not always a success- I have my bad days. Most days at the moment, but I know that. Acknowledging that I am struggling is a pretty good first step.
