I mean, that is how it goes. He proposed, I said yes, the next logical step from there is for us to plan a wedding and get married.
So why is that such scary thought? We’ve talked about it over and over again, when do we think we should get married? When will we be able to afford to get married? What kind of age do we want TinyHuman to be when we get married? We never settle on a when, other than a “sometime when TinyHuman is big enough to participate in the day”.
Why?!
Tonight I did that thing again, the one where I know we don’t intend on getting married soon but I’m just going to have a sneaky Pinterest browse of some cute ideas anyway… So there I am, browsing these beautiful dresses and imagining what kind of dress I might like to wear when it’s my turn. I’m struck by this really weird feeling, one much like the one you get as a child when you dream of what something will be like when you’re a grown up.
I thought about this strange feeling and I realised what it was… it was exactly as I described it. I suddenly realised why we always pictured it so far in the future… we’re waiting to grow up! At some point The Man and I missed the memo that we are fully fledged adults. I’m 24 years old, I moved out of my parents home 6 years ago, I work a ‘grown up’ job, I have dogs, a baby and a fiancé and yet still here I am. Feeling like an unsupervised child, looking for the more adultier adult.
That strange feeling was almost embarrassment, like my brain telling me that I wasn’t allowed to think about it yet because getting married is a thing that adults do and I’m not a real adult.
Angry at myself for allowing myself to feel like such a child, I marched downstairs to The Man- quite confrontationally, the poor guy thought he was in for an ass whooping just stood there like a rabbit in the headlights… “what did I do?”. Nothing you bloody idiot.
I asked The Man why we had set ourselves on getting married so far into the future and he couldn’t really answer, just shrugging and saying that it was to give me time to plan he guessed… yeah, right… because I haven’t done that a thousand times in my head since the day you asked. He chuckled and told me that he’d marry me in a heartbeat.
So, f*ck it. Why wait? We’re getting married.
Now, I don’t mean immediately. These things do cost money, and at the moment the fuel stations are getting all of mine. But we’ll stop talking of it as though it’s just a pipe dream. We’ll start saving some money and thinking about the type of wedding we would like.
We’re extremely lucky to have an incredibly talented village- each who will have their own role (not that they’re all aware of it yet). We don’t want anything huge and flashy, just a beautiful day spent surrounded by our closest friends and family. So long as I get to walk down an aisle and become a Mrs then I am happy.
Now that we have decided that we aren’t going to put it off, I will actually begin to look at things such as venues and dresses without it being just a casual browse. I will be checking out other amazing blogs such as Savvy in Love to find out how other people have done it and see what fantastic advise they can give.
In my village full of make up artists, bakers, photographers and much more we’re set for our perfect wedding. The Man, TinyHuman and I are already a family, but I can’t wait to join my boys and share their name. We’ll have our day and build a beautiful life for ourselves.
