Now, I know this isn’t true for everyone. We all know at least one person who truly glowed throughout their pregnancy, walking around looking effortlessly beautiful. While we were crawling round on our hands and knees, hissing at our partners while they threw chocolate and pickles at us in a desperate attempt to keep the peace. We wish all pregnant people well, and post baby we’re so pleased for them.. however, during pregnancy we should probably avoid speaking to them through fear we might accidentally shoot venom in the form of the words “I hate you!”.
In my first trimester I suffered horrendously with morning sickness, although whoever named it that can bite me. Morning sickness, my ass- all day sickness, all the time sickness, never ending sickness! In the second trimester the SPD (also referred to as PGP…or hell on earth) began to creep in, the bigger I got the more pain I was in. By the third trimester, I was on crutches and over it.
Pregnancy was the worst and best experience of my life. Nothing could compare to those beautiful moments where I could feel him kicking whenever I ran the shower over my belly. Equally, I’ve never felt so low. My body was not my own, I could barely moved without help, I was always in pain. Everybody always asked how the baby was, how the pregnancy was going. He is fine and so am I, thanks for asking. I was due to give birth on January 5th, but I begged and cried and pleaded (and had a slight ”I-need-him-out-before-I-walk-infront-of-a-bus” meltdown). I was induced on Boxing Day and the TinyHuman made his arrival on Tuesday 28th December 2021 and 08:23, weighing 7lb5oz after the worst 14 hours of my existence.
We’ve discussed whether or not we would like to give TinyHuman a sibling in the future, and the conclusion is always the same- it would be nice, but I’d need more support for my mental health. We hear a lot about Post Partum Depression, but no one ever talks about Peri-Natal Depression. I wouldn’t have known it was really a thing if my Mum hadn’t been concerned for me.
I have no shame stating that I hated pregnancy and that I frequently felt that I just wanted to cease existing. This then prompted the most extreme guilt I have ever felt, how could I think of something like that when the little life inside me relied on me to keep him safe- then bringing on the wave of doubt that I would be any good as a mother… had I made the right decision to have this child? In the most cliche way that I never would’ve believed had I not experienced it… all of this doubt, guilt, fear and hate washed away the second that they placed my baby in my arms.
As always, if you are in need of support but are unsure where to look, you can find some links that I have found useful here.
So lets be sure, that when we’re talking to pregnant people we ask them how they are. They are more than a walking womb or a human incubator. Lets ensure that its normal for a pregnant person to be able to say that they are struggling without fear of judgement 🖤
